Thursday, May 31, 2012

Clear!

So it was my birthday.  That's my excuse for my absence and I'm sticking to it.  :-D.

Decided to do a page's worth of editing before I passed out.  I thought about not doing at all because I couldn't do my full hour, but then I figured some editing is worth more than none at all.  That, and I discovered the trap I've fallen into many a time before.  I'd tell myself I was too busy and if I couldn't dedicate the hour, it wasn't worth it.  Becomes a very easy excuse; especially considering my definition of 'busy' XD.

One thing that did pop up was Sye describing out loud the legionnaire's symbol.  When he describes the Tower Krakrenenor's mark he describes it as "weird circles and lines".  With that enlightening description I don't know why my book hasn't taken off.  So now he says it looks like a piston cross-diagram.  Which I'm unsure of.  Piston's exist in their level of tech, it's just that it's a suddenly very technical description.

Overthinking it.  Yay.

Night XD

Sunday, May 27, 2012

A Bloody Conundrum and a Love/Hate Relationship

So many of my characters, particularly Pird, make liberal use of the word "bloody" in exclamation.  I very much blame Harry Potter for putting that voice into my head.  Not entirely certain if I should keep this particularly British tone for Pird; doesn't really stick out to me when I read it but I'm concerned it might sound odd to others.  Going to be an ongoing campaign in my head whether to leave it the way it is or change it.

This passage bothers me.


            It was utterly silent within Saranoda, every footfall seeming to echo endlessly. Gone were the noises of people, horses, and carts.  Of the wind and the sea.  The distant roar of the tectonic plates that human senses cannot hear but primeval instincts know is there.  Beneath the disquieting silence, however, was a sound not quite there.  Eris could not find a word for the strange feeling, but she felt if weight had a sound, if all the weight of the gargantuan tower had a noise, then that’s what it would sound like.

 I really like it, but the voice kinda sticks out as unusual.  Not sure if I should re-write it or I'm overthinking and should just leave it.  Ha.

Not much else going on with today's edit.  Just an unusual amount of simple wordchoice changes.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Idle Thoughts

Well that day kind of ended sooner than expected.  Spent the time after work hanging out at my family.  End of the night found my brother, Devin, and I talking about Adrala.  It wasn't until I was leaving that I was struck by a thought.  The Towers of Adrala is almost as much conversation driven as it is action driven.  A majority of the book is spoken by one character or another.  I've found why.  Most, if not all, of Adrala was originally and informally 'written' by conversation.  I can scratch my head all day for ideas, scenes, and ways to close plotholes.  But get me started with one of my fantastic fans, get a conversation going, things start getting created.  The most unusual phenomenon is when I'm asked about a particular scene or how something is going to happen and I reply with an answer that sounds to both parties like it already had been planned.

In truth, most of it is me bullshitting.  Except I don't even realize it until after.  I'll say something that solves a plot problem without even thinking about it, and then suddenly realize how great of an idea it is.

I'm very lucky to have so many friends and family who are just as interested in this world and its characters as I am..  Without their ears, I really don't think any of this would've been written.

Friday, May 25, 2012

End of the sixth chapter's editing, plus a poke at the seventh's opening snippet

Not quite as exciting of a change as the last bit, but some good key points I was able to exploit better.  Most of today was just fixing sentences that I now find to be awkward; however I was able to do some more of my favorite part of writing...foreshadowing.  I've been building up to Eris' secret, exposed in the second book, but I've found that it's not really introduced all that early or with all that much impact.  So here we are, Eris seeing things again, namely the shadowed figures she really didn't start seeing until the end of this book...and started speaking to her in the second.  Think I'll leave that bit the way it is :).

Other than that, just more show/tell fixes.  Was tempted to describe Eris more when she sees her reflection...but I'm afraid it may be to inconvenient of a pause in the action, so temptation averted. 

The more I edit this the more I realize my early concern that Eris didn't get enough chapters was misled; she just needs a better and louder voice.  I need to stop narrating and let her feel things out.

I'll have to remember to have her ask somebody (probably Sye) what they saw in the mirror right before the shift.  Give me a chance to have her think about what she saw...and why nobody else did.

I'm finding that I'm going to have to change most of the "Four Under the Foundings" snippets at the beginning of the chapters.  The more I develop them in the second book, the more I realize the old ones don't really make sense and kind of sound really forgettable/cliche'.  Just thoughts.

Thinking about future blog posts and just including the significant changes rather than the whole excerpt I bashed my face into.  Figuratively speaking.




Here's the original, followed by the new.


“Good gods,” Sye whispered, staring at the blank wall, “We’re trapped inside Saranoda!”
“The light,” said Pird.  The source of the light came from the floor, back at the center.  The four warily approached, not sure what they should be looking for, but looking nevertheless.
            The glow came from the central most circle of the floor’s concentric design.  The blue light was steady and silent.  What caught Eris’ eyes, bizarre next to more bizarre, was what looked like a single drop of quicksilver not quite at the center of the circle.  There was a plip and another fell beside it.
            Eris looked up and a thin shower of mirrored rain fell briefly, every droplet landing neatly within the circle.  A second burst followed, then a third.  The fourth, however, was far from a small patter.  A long curling tongue of the silver liquid fell from the darkness, causing the four to step back.  The stream didn’t splash against the floor; instead it splashed against the air.  It was like there was an invisible sphere a few inches off the floor, the mercurial fluid sliding across its unseen bowl and splashing up the sides.
            The invisible ball quickly filled and began to expand like a silver balloon, the stream still pouring from above and pushing to and fro across its surface.  As it grew larger it floated higher, the puddle from the previous showers plucked by an invisible hand and sucked up into the roiling mass.
            The sphere rose over their heads and began to stretch horizontally, thinning into a disk.  Even though she couldn’t see it, Eris could still hear the silver falling and adding to the mass.  As she looked up with puzzled wonder, Eris found that the substance wasn’t silver at all, the dim blue lighting tricking her eyes.  Above her stretched the clearest mirror she had ever seen, looking all like she was looking down into a room into the eyes of a woman that looked just like her.  The only flaws in the illusion were the ripples that curled across the expanding disk.
            The sound of the stream abruptly silenced.  Eris looked around and saw that the colossal floating mirror had spanned the great chamber, giving it the high ceiling it never had.  The low hum cut off and the circle of light under their feet began to fade.
            “I don’t like this,” said Pird, as the darkness quietly fell.  There was, again, silence.  Again, Eris felt that there were things in the approaching shadows just outside the dwindling light.
            Then the hum returned with an intense warbling tone.  Eris shielded her eyes as the room was flooded with a bright blue light.  At first she thought that the entire floor was alight with sapphire fire.  As her eyes adjusted, however, Eris found that the piercing glow flowed from the swirling design on the floor.
            And the design was moving.     
            The great curving lines that shed from the central circle spun in one direction, the many concentric circles spun in another, all at different speeds.  The illusion of the floor’s depth had returned, for another similar array was moving what looked like several feet under the first.  Another lay under that and, as far as Eris could see, the pattern continued until there were too many glowing lines to see past.
            Panic rose again and again within her, but it was like there was something preventing her from feeling the panic.  She was afraid and confused, but she couldn’t act on it.  The distortion of her emotions was strange, but she already had enough distractions.
            A dark blue glow joined the eye watering light.  Eris looked down and saw that a circle of a darker hue had formed around her feet.  Lines of miniature scrawl and hyperbolic shapes drew themselves beneath her.  She looked to her friends and found that they, too, had their own static symbol underneath.  Eris wanted to jump away from this strange mark, but something held her there.  A compulsion stronger than self-preservation.
            Eris’ eyes were drawn back to the great mirror above her, only to find something horribly wrong with the reflection.  In the mirror the symbols the four stood on were red instead of blue.  The entire design was off, not quite in the same position as the one beneath her.
            The loud hum reached a new crescendo and Eris had little recollection of what happened next.  For some reason the number seven filled her mind intensely, but briefly, undeniably seven.  Then her reflection disappeared, leaving only the symbol.
            Disorientation took her as she realized that her surroundings had changed.  They were in the same cavernous, ceilingless chamber, but the bluish light had given way to a clear glow.  The designs beneath the floor were gone and the one she could see was different from what she remembered.  The pitiful amount of light that remained came from the floor, but only just around her feet.  Slowly, she looked up.  The mirror was gone, replaced again by the infinite reaches of the tower’s maw.
            Eris found Sye a short distance away, also looking up in dazed confusion.  She began to walk toward him but a wave of dizziness overtook her.  She stumbled, than sank to her knees to try to orient herself.  It passed and Eris went to Sye.
            “What…?” began Eris, but she stopped herself.  What happened?  Sye had seen everything she had.  The golden light.  The expulsion of everyone but them.  The lights.  The mirror.
            What happened?  At that moment there couldn’t be a more useless question.
            “What in the world have we done?” Sye asked in a terrified whisper.
            Even in light of everything that had occurred, Sye’s tone was strange.
            “What do you mean?” asked Eris.
            Sye slowly turned toward her, eyes wide with horror, “Saranoda hasn’t changed as long as anyone can remember.  What happened the one time something did change?”
            “We did not create another wave,” said Zook in a strangely calm voice, he and Pird walking to them.
            “How could you possibly know?” Sye asked
            “There was no roar,” Zook replied simply.
            “There were people screaming and beating on that invisible wall!  We didn’t hear a thing!”
            “I believe that gold light was some kind of security,” Zook continued, pointedly ignoring Sye, “The mirror, the lights, everything was merely Saranoda unlocking.”
            “How can you be so sure that we haven’t just killed the last of Eretia!”
            “When you open your door for someone, you don’t go out and trash the lawn.  You simply turn a key.”
            “Door?” Sye asked, bewildered.  Zook didn’t answer, he merely looked past them.  Sye and Eris turned around.
            Where there was once ambiguous wall was now a towering archway.  Light from the setting sun did not fall through this arch, instead it lead to a wide dark corridor.
            A corridor that had not felt human eyes in over three thousand years.

End of the Sixth Chapter

First of the Shadows

“Nothing must be told.”
“They must not know.”
“They must be blind”
“For them to see.”
-The Four under the Foundings







“Good gods,” Sye whispered, staring at the blank wall, “We’re trapped inside Saranoda!”
“The light,” said Pird.  The source of the light came from the floor, back at the center.  The four warily approached, not sure what they should be looking for, but looking nevertheless.
            The glow came from the central most circle of the floor’s concentric design.  The blue light was steady and silent.  What caught Eris’ eyes was what looked like a single drop of quicksilver not quite at the center of the circle.  There was a plip and another fell beside it.
            Eris looked up and was startled by a brief shower of mirrored rain, every droplet landing neatly within the circle.  A second burst followed, then a third.  The fourth, however, was far from a small patter.  A long curling tongue of the silver liquid fell from the darkness, causing the four to step back.  The stream didn’t splash against the floor; instead it splashed against the air.  It was like there was an invisible sphere a few inches off the floor, the mercurial fluid sliding across its unseen bowl and splashing up the sides.
            The invisible ball quickly filled and began to expand like a silver balloon, the stream still pouring from above.  Ripples rolled across its curved surface.  As it grew larger it floated higher, the puddle from the previous showers plucked by an invisible hand and sucked up into the roiling mass.
            The sphere rose over their heads and began to stretch horizontally, thinning into a disk.  Even though she couldn’t see it, Eris could still hear the silver falling and adding to the mass.  As she looked up with puzzled wonder, Eris found that the substance wasn’t silver at all, the dim blue lighting tricking her eyes.  Above her stretched the clearest mirror she had ever seen, looking all like she was looking down into a room into the eyes of her startled doppleganger.  The only flaws in the illusion were the ripples that curled across the expanding disk.
            The sound of the stream abruptly silenced.  Eris looked around and saw that the colossal floating mirror had spanned the great chamber, giving it the high ceiling it never had.  The low hum cut off and the circle of light under their feet began to fade.
            “I don’t like this,” said Pird, as the darkness silently fell.  There was, again, quiet.  Again, Eris felt that there were things in the approaching shadows just outside the dwindling light.
            Then the hum returned with an intense warbling tone.  Eris shielded her eyes as the room was flooded with a bright blue light.  At first she thought that the entire floor was alight with sapphire fire.  As her eyes adjusted, however, Eris found that the piercing glow flowed from the swirling design on the floor.
            And again the design was moving.         
            The great curving lines that shed from the central circle spun in one direction, the many concentric circles spun in another, all at different speeds.  The floor now seemed translucent, for another similar array was moving what looked like several feet under the first.  Another lay under that and, as far as Eris could see, the pattern continued until there were too many glowing lines to see past.
            Panic rose again and again within her, but it was like there was something preventing her from feeling the panic.  She was afraid and confused, but she couldn’t act on it.  The distortion of her emotions was strange, but she already had enough distractions.
            A dark blue glow joined the piercing light.  Eris looked down and saw that a circle of a darker hue had formed around her feet.  Lines of miniature scrawl and hyperbolic shapes drew themselves beneath her.  She looked to her friends and found that they, too, had their own still symbols underneath.  Eris wanted to jump away from this strange mark, but something held her there.  A compulsion stronger than self-preservation.
            Eris’ eyes were drawn back to the great mirror above her, only to find something horribly wrong with the reflection.  In the mirror the symbols the four stood on were red instead of blue.  The entire design was off, not quite in the same position as the one beneath her.
            The loud hum reached a new crescendo, then suddenly the world went silent.  Eris could not hear anything, not even the beating of her own heart.  Her reflection, for the briefest of moments, was surrounded by figures.  None that she could describe, just shadows looking back at her through the mirror..  Then her reflection disappeared, along with the shadows, leaving only the symbol.
            Disorientation took her as she realized that her surroundings had changed.  They were in the same cavernous, ceilingless chamber, but the bluish light had given way to a clear glow.  The designs beneath the floor were gone, its translucence banished, and the design on the floor was different from what she remembered.  The pitiful amount of light that remained came from the floor, but only just around her feet.  Slowly, she looked up.  The mirror was gone, replaced again by the infinite reaches of the tower’s maw.
            Eris found Sye a short distance away, also looking up in dazed confusion.  She began to walk toward him but a wave of dizziness overtook her.  She stumbled, than sank to her knees to try to orient herself.  The disorientation passed and Eris went to Sye.
            “What…?” began Eris, but she stopped herself.  What happened?  Sye had seen everything she had.  The golden light.  The expulsion of everyone but them.  The lights.  The mirror.
            What happened?  Eris thought, Who in Adrala could possibly answer that?
            “What in the world have we done?” Sye asked in a terrified whisper.
            Even in light of everything that had occurred, Sye’s tone was strange.
            “What do you mean?” asked Eris.
            Sye slowly turned toward her, eyes wide with horror, “Saranoda hasn’t changed as long as anyone can remember.  What happened the one time something did change?”
            “We did not create another wave,” said Zook in a strangely calm voice, he and Pird walking to them.
            “How could you possibly know?” Sye asked
            “There was no roar,” Zook replied simply.
            “There were people screaming and beating on that invisible wall!  We didn’t hear a thing!”
            “I believe that gold light was some kind of security,” Zook continued, pointedly ignoring Sye, “The mirror, the lights, everything was merely Saranoda unlocking.”
            “How can you be so sure that we haven’t just killed the last of Eretia!”
            “The door was closed when we got here, now its open.”
            “Door?” Sye asked, bewildered.  Zook didn’t answer, he merely looked past them.  Sye and Eris turned around.
            Where there was once ambiguous wall was now a towering archway.  Light from the setting sun did not fall through this arch, instead it lead to a wide dark corridor.
            A corridor that led into the untouched darkness of Saranoda.
End of the Sixth Chapter

First of the Shadows

“We were to open the tower to their prying, the girl let herself in.”
“So early in the plan and already it is twisting from our grasp.”
“Early?  You forget how long ago this began.”
“This is the end.”
-The Four under the Foundings